The Intercollegiate Literary Magazine

Top Ten Times Things Got a Little Too Loud

1: Super Bowl VI.

In 1972, the Miami Dolphins and the Dallas Cowboys took the field to compete for the championship. There were lots of people there cheering. Let’s just say things got noisy.

2: Daytona 500.

Fast cars, some going near speeds of 200 mph? Yeah, that’s fast. Oh, and yeah, you bet it’s pretty loud too. Some fans in attendance at one Daytona 500 said when the cars would drive by they could hardly hear the person next to them. Pretty damn loud if you ask me.

3: The Big Bang.

I wasn’t there but this shit had to be pretty loud.

4: Your neighbor Chriswold.

You’d think that at his age, your neighbor Chriswold the Elder would be incapable of making such a ruckus. Wrong. At the crack of dawn every morning, Chriswold shrieks a terrifying bone-chilling screech as he collects the eggs from his chickens. Chriswold then stumbles around his shed, screaming jargon and reciting Caedmon’s Hymn, an old English favorite.

5: Swarthmore College’s Acapella team.

Yikes. You certainly want to be loud and enthused when singing, but folks, this is too far. There’s gotta be some threshold you shall not pass when doing the acapella, and clearly the folks at Swarthmore didn’t get the memo. I’ll check back in in a few months and perhaps some strides will have been made.

6: Girls.

I mean, have you ever heard one? If not, I’ll spell it out for you: L-O-U-D. I’m a big fan of them, but holy cow, let’s take it down a few notches.

7: Boys.

Hate to say it, but we too can fall victim to the decibel demon. But what else are we supposed to do? Sick football play? I’m on all fours shouting. Dope basketball pass? My mouth begins salivating and I can hardly contain my excitement. Funny moment in a sick dope Adam Sandler movie? I’m simultaneously laughing and screaming at the hilarity. We may be loud, but we earn our loud.

8: Jason Talen’s (9th grade) party.

You just had to be there. What. A. Time.

9: Jason Talen’s (9th grade) afterparty.

As if the party wasn’t loud enough, Jason’s afterparty was absolutely deafening. I was there. Had a blast. That was also the night James Elwood kissed Mary Kirklee even though James just broke up with Mary’s best friend Summer Stagg. I remember I found Summer crying in the bathroom and asked her what’s wrong but the party was really loud so it was hard to hear. Sick night though you had to be there.

10: Jason Talen’s (12th grade) party.

Need I say anything at all?